"SPOUSAL ABUSE: SCATTERED THOUGHTS OF A SURVIVOR"

By Annette Cooper (Rob's sister)

 

A few scattered thoughts regarding domestic abuse (from me, a survivor),to you, another victim:

 

Anger and fear and tears; were you scared, did you cower?

How many times did you cry and hide?

Who can look at anyone the same after suffering this?

Are all people bad?

Deep down inside, is there no humanity?

Running from them. Running to them.

I remember the first time. I remember most times.

When he drug me down the hall, screaming profanities in my face

Was your mind screaming "NOOOO?!"

Did it kill any of your soul?

Tears roll down my face as I write this; thinking, remembering

Hoping you are ok. Hoping you have not lost too many parts of yourself.

How can someone steal parts of you? Is it theirs to take?

Did I give them away? Oh, it hurts

Lost, scared, feeling like I am moving away from Earth

Are you ok? Do you cry at night? Do you love yourself? Have you ever?

 

That is a loaded question, my friend

I hope so, or if not, you better learn

One life

Can't put it in the hands of someone who will blow it out like a candle

It’s not theirs to take!

The hole inside grows. They take too many parts of you.

Brain becomes lost and confused. What is reality?

Why do they have a hold over you?

Stomach hurts – the black hole of dread and fear, my friend

It only grows, until it consumes you

 

My friend was murdered, I was not

I don't know how, but still I cry for her.

Why????!!!!!

 

Your baby knows – don't think he doesn't

How dare that man expose an innocent to that

How many tears will you weep over your child?

 

We won't try to figure out his why

For answering someone else's question is not your job

Your job is surviving, helping your babies to survive

I was beat down and beat up. Manipulated, used, abused.

Told I was nothing for so long I began to believe it

Lord give her clarity

Lord give her strength

Help her to walk away and never look back

Lord put your arms around her

She feels alone inside

She needs YOU

 

The destitution of my mind and soul seems so far away

Like a different person, in a different time

Like I am telling a story of a sad, sad girl I used to know

 

The painful memories are kept hidden in a box, behind a locked door

That is ok, they couldn't all go away

Certain events in my life unlock the door, open the box

But it’s ok; it is part of me

 

Thank God for the PAST

 

It used to be, when certain events in my life occurred,

I could hear the padlock on the door rattling

"Oh no, don't touch it!!

Don't put the key in, there is too much behind that door!”

It overwhelms and saddens me

to the point of exhaustion, tears and regret

Fear and pain overcome me

The last box is as big as the desert; barren, dark

Knives stab my healing wounds in every corner

Hours or days of pain

At the bottom of the box was my heart – broken, sad, desolate

 

Jesus held my heart in His hands, healed it

He held it while I cried and got clarity

"Just let his light get me through to the next breath,” I would weep

 

The pain eased, the box became smaller

And one day the box was small again

So I put it back in the other box, shut the door, and put the lock back on it

Much of it went away, through healing and time.

 

The bruises, lacerations and disfigurement of my face slowly healed

The ache inside was greater and took longer

It was not my place to make sure he served justice for what he did to me

Legally, I did what I could, but he will stand one day to answer for what he has done

The pain has lessened

I am safe.

Are you safe?

 

Lord continue keep my friend safe

Ok, I love you.

Keep strong for your family.

I love you!!!!!!!

 

 

 

“DARKNESS”

By Trey Weddle 

 

Darkness is forever my way of life

Light doesn’t show its gift to me

Maybe I’m a demon

Or a ghost that has no emotion 

 

I need to figure this out 

 

Why am I like this? 

 

I need to figure this out

 

 

“WE RAGE”

By Rob Weddle

 

Some believers lie and cheat

And claim to know our Lord

Some believers charm the crowds

For things they can’t afford

Some believers prance about

As if they’re on a stage

Some are known as pacifists

But others of us RAGE!

 

We rage against the spirit of the father of all liars

We rage against the Devil who would damn us in hellfire

We rage against the villains who would take our sons and daughters

We rage against the one who seeks to throw us to the slaughter

We rage against hypocrisy from counterfeit believers

We rage against the Anti-Christ and all of his deceivers

We rage against the demon LUST who lurks on every station

We rage against the ACLU as they steal our nation

 

We rage against the fantasy machines of Hollywood

We rage against the ones who tell our children they’re no good

We rage against the agents and their plastic, painted stars

We rage against the tabloid press who honor the bizarre

We rage against dark music when it sways a teen to grief

We rage against the lyrics mocking all our core beliefs

We rage against the ones who dare invert my Savior’s cross

We rage against the imps who turn rock bands to demigods

 

We rage against the devil when he says our days are numbered

We rage against the spirits who have torn our minds asunder

We rage against that time at night when fear begins to churn

We rage against the flaming crypt where fallen Christians burn

We rage against the loneliness which blankets us at dusk

We rage against the evil ones who murder simple trust

We rage against the ridiculers of our precious Lord

We rage against the blasphemy of Hell’s demonic horde

 

We rage against the crippling stress which dissipates the mind

We rage against indifference and all other ties that bind

We rage against addictions and their whispers late at night

We rage against our apathy and stand ready to fight!

We rage against the media who paints us all as clowns

We rage against the fiends who claim the lost cannot be found

We rage against the mockers who would thieve our greatest joy

We rage against the beast who seeks to rob, kill and destroy

 

We rage against the Devil, Lucifer our great betrayer!

We rage against all enemies of Jesus Christ our Savior!

 

“MOUNTAIN, MAN”

By Rob Weddle

 

I’m a’gonna move this mountain, man

If it’s the last thing I ever do

I’m a’gonna move this mountain, man

And this I swear to you

 

It’s gonna kill me or I’m gonna kill it

Cuz if I ain’t got faith, I ain’t worth spit

 

But I’ve had it with this ruse

I’m done playin’ the fool

 

Hear me, Lord?

No mas…no more

 

I’m serious, man

I’m done…

Ya ready to have some fun?!

 

Oh yeah, we’re gonna move this here mountain

You and me, Lord

You and me

 

YA READY?!

 

 

“FRAGILE GLASS IN NAIL-SCARRED HANDS”

By Rob Weddle

 

Am I man of flesh and fear

Or do I let the Spirit near?

One of two paths I must trod

To walk in fear or trust in God

 

My precious ones believe in me

Though I don't see the me they see

The one who frays like willow bark

Whose eyes are terrorized in dark

 

Yet…

 

Fragile glass in nail-scarred hands

Is spun to gold

By steel and bone

 

Yes

 

I will win this wretched fight

For I can do all things through Christ

 

"A QUIET COOL"

By Rob Weddle

 

A sinner bruised

As wounded reed

So torn and used

And prone to bleed

 

May calming shush

On windless night

Be fetching hush

To usher light

 

Then rushing in

On wings of peace

My Savior's grin

Has slain the beast

 

A quiet cool

Lie still, my soul

Let silence rule

As days of old